Ever Blurted Something in Anger? Here’s What’s Really Going On

We’ve all said things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. Often, these words land hardest on the people we care about most. The guilt that follows can feel crushing — especially when we know we didn’t truly mean what we said. So why does this happen? Experts say it usually has less to do with what’s happening in the moment, and more to do with everything else we’ve been carrying beneath the surface.

Therapists point to something called “emotional hijacking” — a state where intense emotions like anger temporarily override logical thinking. The amygdala, the brain’s emotional center, kicks in during high-stress moments and activates our fight-or-flight response. This reaction narrows our ability to think clearly, leading to knee-jerk comments that aren’t aligned with our true beliefs. It’s why a small disagreement can suddenly spiral into a full-blown argument filled with hurtful words.

The source of anger often isn’t the conversation at hand. Someone might be upset about work, personal struggles, or past trauma — and those unresolved feelings can spill over onto someone else, even unintentionally. Some psychologists believe that expressing anger can be cathartic in the moment, but others warn it often does more harm than good. What feels like temporary relief can actually cause deeper damage, especially in close relationships.

People who struggle with trauma or mental health challenges may find it even harder to regulate emotions. As writer Jack Nollan explains, some individuals may lash out impulsively before their conscious mind even registers what’s being said. These reactions aren’t always about the present moment — they can be amplified by old wounds, insecurity, or fear of abandonment. For some, self-sabotage becomes a way to avoid intimacy or to confirm a belief that they’re “not good enough.”

Ultimately, lashing out is often more about protection than aggression. Evolution wired us to react quickly to perceived threats — even emotional ones. But with awareness and emotional regulation tools, we can learn to pause, identify what we’re really feeling, and respond in ways that build connection rather than destroy it. Hurtful words may not always be avoidable, but understanding where they come from is the first step in changing the pattern.

Source: The Swaddle